Whatever's Coverage of the Olympics

The Olympic Report

Back from Atlanta and the 26th modern day Olympiad. Had a great time, but I'm sure it will be weeks before I get all these nails, screws and large shards of glass out of my body from that pipe bomb. In actuality, I was no where near the park when it happened. Here's a little run-down of the events I went to:

EVENT

TIX Price /MY Price

QUALITY (0-10)

COMMENT

Rowing
$32/ free 2 It was too hot and there were too many rowing mavens around. Let me tell you: all losers!

Badminton
16 / 16 6 I've never seen this live before. The Swede's and Chinese are brilliant. Quite fast paced. I'll give it a '6' because the word 'mint' is in badMINTon.

Swimming
159 / 100 7.5 Coughed over the cash. Why? Clinton (Bill) was there, Hillary was there, Chelsea was there, and there were some final races. Later I found I could have sold my seat for $500. Fuck. Let's change that rating to a '1'.

Weightlifting
22/ free 8 Got the tix from Johnson & Johnson. Why '8'? Easy. 'Freaks'-- just like the Coney Island side show.

Track and Field
80/ 50 8 Saw lots of Pre-lims. I Bought these tix outside of the stadium from a strange man - but they were great! 15th row - 50 yard line! About 12 people who were sitting near me left...So I stretched out and had a Bud.

Cycling
37 / 37 10 Psychos with helmets and $30,000 bikes. Thick women cyclists have HUGE asses - Sir-mix-alot style.

Volleyball
16 / free 5 Men's - USA v Brazil. USA lost, I saw only half because of security checks, and my brother-in- law ate all of my popcorn.

I have a lot more to say about each event. Just hammering other cultures alone could take up a few pages (particularly that culture that resides in parts of Long Island and New Jersey who seem to know everything about everything).

P.S. My brother-in-law picked his nose for about 30 minutes of an hour drive once. I asked him 'What the fuck, Brian?' and he responded with: "I have a deviated sceptum and that lake house were stayin' at is too 'musky'". MUSKY? SCEPTUM? He picked his nose with pleasure and he is a fuckin 32 year old man!

Olympic Coverage From Whatever's Cartoonist

EVENT	TIX Price /MY Price	QUALITY (0-10)	COMMENT
Rowing	$32/ free	2	It was too hot and there were too many rowing mavens around. Let me tell you: all losers!
Badminton	16 / 16	6	I've never seen this live before. The Swede's and Chinese are brilliant. Quite fast paced. I'll give it a '6' because the word 'mint' is in badMINTon.
Swimming	159 / 100	7.5	Coughed over the cash. Why? Clinton (Bill) was there, Hillary was there, Chelsea was there, and there were some final races. Later I found I could have sold my seat for $500. Fuck. Let's change that rating to a '1'.
Weightlifting	22/ free	8	Got the tix from Johnson & Johnson. Why '8'? Easy. 'Freaks'-- just like the Coney Island side show.
Track and Field	80/ 50	8	Saw lots of Pre-lims. I Bought these tix outside of the stadium from a strange man - but they were great! 15th row - 50 yard line! About 12 people who were sitting near me left...So I stretched out and had a Bud.
Cycling	37 / 37	10	Psychos with helmets and $30,000 bikes. Thick women cyclists have HUGE asses - Sir-mix-alot style.
Volleyball	16 / free	5	Men's - USA v Brazil. USA lost, I saw only half because of security checks, and my brother-in- law ate all of my popcorn.